What I would like to know:

But first, a prefatory comment:

A new place, Refresh Smoothie Bar, will be opening soon near Jen’s gym. I have been training with Jen for years and whatever bone, core muscle, bicep and leg strength I have is entirely her doing.

I want to know just how much a smoothie store can make in a month.

I want to know why and how smoothies became so popular.

I want to know why people 1, 2 and 3 generations younger than I are so completely captivated by hydration.

I used to tell my high-school students, many accoutered each day with multiple water bottles, (bottles that invariably ended up rolling around on the classroom floor) that never in the history of humankind were people so thoroughly and mindfully hydrated. I’m slightly horrified that back in my youth spent in blistering North Carolina - we girl scouts were made to take salt pills at summer camp - it didn’t occur to the adults that we could carry around personal cisterns on those 98 degree days with 100% humidity. I also don’t remember a single death from dehydration in the last gasps of the 1960s at Camp Occoneechee either. Believe me, I was the type of child who had the brain of an actuarial and was breathlessly fascinated about events leading up to untimely deaths.

I want to know when mastication of food products became so suspect. Kale, I can understand; why not pulverize the shit out of that? But fruits? Melons? Carrots? Chew, you guys! We spent a collective fortune on your teeth! Learn to masticate!